The Magnetized Man

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Skills for Success: What is Collaboration?

According to the Skills for Success (SCS) Model, collaboration is “your ability to contribute and support others to achieve a common goal” or objective. 

Collaboration can feel very difficult, especially if you’re used to trying to do everything on your own or if you’re so focused on saving face that you say yes that you’re able to do everything. In order to collaborate, you need three things: 

  1. Humility: This is recognizing that you do not have all the answers – even if it feels like you do – and that you can’t do this on your own. 
  2. Selflessness: This is recognizing that you’re working towards a goal that you have decided is greater than your own fears and your own anxieties. This doesn’t mean that your fears or anxieties are wrong. It just means that you are looking in the same direction. 
  3. Self-Knowledge: This is about knowing what you can do, how long it takes you to do it, and what you need in order to complete a task to a certain standard and within a certain amount of time. 

You need all three. If you have humility and selflessness, but not self-knowledge, you’ll burn out. If you have humility and self-knowledge, but not selflessness, you run the risk of becoming performative, ego-driven, and self-serving. If you have self-knowledge and selflessness, but not humility, you’ll become an annoying martyr, blinding yourself from seeing people’s natural talents and how they can help you, not in a transactional way, but in a way that’s overflowing. That arises simply from them wanting to be in your presence. 

Once you understand these three things, you can start to adopt the frameworks for each component. 

Component 1: Work well with other people

Trust building behaviours are things like doing what you say you’re going to do, admitting to mistakes, and fostering relationships. This can be hard to do, especially if you’re coming from a background where people were unstable or chaotic. You may feel like you have to do everything yourself or nothing at all. Here are some frameworks that can help: 

  • The Trust Equation
  • The 5-Part Framework for Admitting Mistakes
  • The FORD Technique

What is the Trust Equation? 

The Trust Equation is a formula with the following variables: Credibility (C), Reliability (R), Intimacy (I), and Self-Orientation (S). C, R, and I are added together and divided by S. 

  • Credibility (Words): This variable measures how much a person can be believed based on their reputation, expertise, and credentials. 
  • Reliability (Actions): This variable measures how reliable a person is based on how consistent they are in terms of delivering on the promises that they’ve made. 
  • Intimacy (Safety): This variable measures emotional safety and how comfortable people feel sharing vulnerable information with someone. 
  • Self-Orientation (Focus): This measures how much someone is focused on themselves rather than others. 

What is the 5 Part Framework for Admitting Mistakes? 

  1. Pause Your Defensiveness: This is about recognizing that you’re about to have an emotional response and pausing to calm down and then understand the mistake. Wanting to shout or have an outburst is one sign of an outburst, but the cognitive signs that you’re defensive (even if you’re speaking calmly) are the need to justify, minimize, and deflect. 
  2. Acknowledge The Specific Mistake: This is when you are clear, specific, and direct about your mistake. Instead of making general, blanket statements like, “I’m sorry if…” focus on naming the specific thing that you got wrong.  
  3. Name The Impact: This is not about over-apologizing. This is about recognizing the impact that your actions had on someone and how that mistake has had ripple effects. 
  4. Take Responsibility and Outline Change: Own the mistake, explain what you will do differently moving forward, and then take steps to change. 
  5. Make Space for the Other Person: Give the other person time to express their feelings and ask questions, allowing them to process their hurt feelings. 

What is the FORD Technique? 

The FORD Technique is for people who have trouble fostering relationships and making small talk. It stands for four things that you can talk about: 

  • Family
  • Occupation
  • Recreation
  • Dreams

There are times when this can feel intrusive. If that’s the case, wait to see what people bring up themselves and go from there. This shows what they’re proud of and willing to broadcast. 

Component 2: Value diversity and inclusivity of others

One of the challenges that people have around diversity and inclusivity is that people who are being trained on how to be more inclusive towards a specific identified group often receive contradictory signals from high-profile members of that group in private. They are made to feel better about past transgressions and wonder how they are even “supposed to live” when they’re not sure who’s part of what group and who considers what funny. 

Think about it like this: what is your shared goal? To make a living? To reach your full potential? To just plan a party or market a book? When you think about all of these elements, you can think about what’s helpful for achieving this goal and what isn’t helpful for achieving this goal. If a comment won’t help, or it remarks on an attribute of someone that you yourself would not reward, then it’s probably not needed. 

Component 3: Manage difficult interactions with other people

There are specific strategies that you can use to manage interactions with people. 

  1. Stay calm and composed in order to prevent escalation
  2. Use active listening to understand their perspective instead of reacting
  3. Use “I” statements that talk about how you feel and how you are affected instead of resorting to blame
  4. Be direct and clear about specific behaviour instead of focusing on a person’s character
  5. Set boundaries that define what behaviour is acceptable and what behaviour is unacceptable

Component 4: Facilitate an environment where you can collaborate with others

If you’re in a position where you need to coach, mentor, or motivate others, you can use the GROW Framework. 

  • Goal: What are you aiming for? 
  • Reality: Assess your current state and situation to understand where you are realistically and where your obstacles are. 
  • Options: Brainstorm strategies for what you could do in this situation. 
  • Will: Commit to an action that you’re going to do and the time that you’re going to do it. 

Component 5: Achieve a common goal with others

One approach that you can take for achieving a common goal with others is the GRPI Framework. 

  • Goal: This helps you define why you are all even working together. You clearly define what your goal is and what success looks like. 
  • Roles: This helps you get aligned by understanding who is responsible for what and who has decision-making capabilities. 
  • Processes: This is about helping you determine how you’re going to execute on different things. 
  • Interpersonal Relationships: This is about creating a climate of trust, respect, and effective communication. 

Component 6: Reflect and improve on teamwork

One method that you can use for reflection is the CARL method: 

  • Context: This is about describing the situation or project. 
  • Action: This is about explaining what actions were taken and why. 
  • Results: This is about discussing the outcome of those actions. 
  • Learning: This is about identifying the key lessons learned. 

There’s a proverb that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go together.” Whether you’re trying to get to heaven or simply complete a project, you need the unique talents of different people. As one saying goes, “We’re all just walking each other home.”