The Magnetized Man

When you feel like people see you, value you, and hear you, you wind up feeling connected to them. But this is difficult if you have things you don’t want to share. You often feel like they can see that thing about you below the surface. In other words, you’re experiencing shame. Research tells us that vulnerability is the best way to melt shame away. All vulnerability carries a certain degree of risk. But what if you’ve done something that you believe is unforgivable? What if you feel like you’ve done something that isn’t that bad, but it feels like disclosing it would be a betrayal? (This doesn’t apply to legal situations like a form where access to certain benefits requires disclosing certain things. In those cases, it’s a material betrayal in the material realm, and it can come with material consequences.) I’m talking about feeling like it’s a betrayal when no one has said otherwise. Or, it may be that you can sense someone else’s dishonesty, but because you’ve been dishonest in the same way, you feel like you have to avoid them, take care of them, or constantly caveat what you’re saying around them, so they don’t get too close. When you’re in this predicament, the best option is to give it to God. But here’s the thing: God knows when your dishonesty is invested in a system. When you know how a system works, and you break the rules, you’re left to deal with either dismissal from or punishment from that system. God is still with you, but God feels harder to access, because of how locked in you are to that system. On the other hand, when you honestly engage with systems, and you honestly tell God your capabilities (I don’t understand what this question is asking, I don’t understand the double meaning) and you ask God for help, you can enjoy the benefits of a system and support and contribute to that system and not feel lost if that system betrays you or falls apart. 

Let’s get into the science of this. 

There are different theories of or categorizations of the brain. One, popularized by Daniel Kahneman in his book, “Thinking, Fast and Slow”, is the idea that there are 2 systems in the brain: System 1 and System 2. System 1 is fast and it deals with instinctive and emotional thinking while System 2 is slow and deals with more logical thinking. Then you have the theory of the triune brain or three brains: a reptilian brain (which manages automatic jobs within the body like keeping your organs working), a limbic brain (which manages emotions), and your neo cortex or prefrontal cortex which handles rational thinking. Both of these theories of the brain highlight that these are representations and that in reality there is a lot of communication between these systems. In other words, your emotion and logic are not separate entities. Rather, they are interdependent entities that support each other. Logic helps you turn emotion into material things and emotion helps you turn logic into an inner knowing, calm, and peace.

So when we’re talking to other people, we use two different things to decide how connected we feel to them: the words that they’re using and our interpretation of their underlying meaning or feelings. For instance, someone can be exceedingly polite and still reveal through their demeanour that they’re not entirely thrilled and want to get the hell out of there. Someone can use harsh words and reveal through their demeanour that they have your best interests at heart.

Scientists have shown that emotional contagion is a thing. We have mirror neurons that help us mimic and take on how other people are feeling. Depending on our values, we may start mimicking their actions as well. Large-scale studies, including studies with infants, have proven this. At the same time, our language has inherent elements of emotion through what’s known as prosody. Prosody is the tone we use, the cadence we use, and the pauses we use to convey emotion. For instance, a high pitch can indicate excitement or nervousness while a low pitch can indicate sarcasm or depression. Your tempo can signal the urgency or sombreness of something while your volume can demonstrate the intensity of an emotion. Meanwhile, pauses can add emphasis or tension while voice quality like breathiness or harshness can add emotional depth.